Reading my past entries at 5am, reminds me of many things that happened in school. Time really passed fast, and I am so occupied with work everyday, I barely have the time to blog or even recall what happened the last 19 years of my life. One wish tonight, for time to slow down, just a little for me to catch up. I barely know myself now.
Work at 12pm tomorrow! Time to kiss the bed. Hope tomorrow turns better.
I must be the most horrible person ever. Breaking dozens of hearts with my selfish actions. I am so fortunate but I don't think I deserve to be. Today, I really hate myself.
Today I am proud to say I did two of the above, jet-skiing and parasailing. Whoohhoooo!
And I buggy rolled around Ngee Ann slopes in my dreams, hahahahhah!
Bungee jumping at Macau tower during graduation trip next year. Hopefully! :D
Today, I found another weird thing about myself. My patience level is so inconsistent. I can spend the entire day doing hotel and store layouts, aligning pixels by pixels. But I just don't have the equal amount of patience to wait another second. Once again, why am I so difficult!!!!!
Alright. Starting from this moment, all I want to see, is perfection. So God, please stand by me. I haven't had a goodnight's sleep for quite some months.
Things are not going well for me these days. Especially yesterday and today, the worst two days of my life. I don't even want to think about it. But fucking hate finding out things that I shouldn't know. How would you like to get cheated? Can never get over it in the next 20 years or so. Fml seriously.
What I really wish for now, is to melt in my bed, get evaporated and don't get condensed ever ever. This whole bloody semester, I haven't gotten one good, satisfying sleep. Sleeping an average of 2-4 hours everyday, how not to get tired you tell me? Reading all these nonsense at night, trying to turn all this bullshit into at least something decent, I really feel like what the bloody fuck have I done these 3 years. Hate it when people look down on me, but hate it too when people put too high expectations of me. Hate it and feel uncomfortable all over when things are not standardized. Hate it when I can't get my point across. Why am I so difficult!!!!!!!!!!
I am freaking stressed out right now. But I am toning down, because the past few posts are really emotional and I don't want anyone to get affected anymore. Sorry birdies :( but don't worry too much, cause no matter how much I rant over here, I managed to pull through everything still. Love you girls.
Tonight, I am all alone and I shall swallow these pain all by my own like it didn't hurt at all. I have no regrets because it is the only path that is right and the only path that I will always choose. As for how long will this ever last, it is not up to me to decide.
Smile? I can't do a genuine smile anymore whenever I'm in school. Frowning is tiring but now I feel so fake when I smile. So I guess everyone has got to get used to my new default face.
Everything came crumbling down all at once. This is the first time I gave up just like this. I can't even manage myself now. All these stupid last minute notices just drive me out of my mind. Monday = to do or just give up?
Upset, not because I didn't win the argument. Because we are doing double job and I'm sick of it. If you have so much problems, why did you not raise up earlier on? This whole junk was raised up 4 days ago. You feel nothing, cause I did all the typing, not you. Fuck all these projects. Absolutely love staying up late nights to do work which are going to be discarded anyway.
Nobody understands this. I am not exactly someone who can make everyone listen to me whenever I speak. But I hate it most whenever I do something for anybody, nobody appreciates. This makes me fucking useless. Fucking. Useless. I don't even know what I do all these shit for? Why do I stay up all nights for? You think I like to stay up? Now putting the blame that I don't sleep enough, causing other problems affecting you as well. What. The. Fuck!? Why am I even wasting my energy to explain myself. People just can't admit their own mistakes and this drives me nuts.
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